Sleep is Crucial
The Narrow Way Blog | July 29, 2026
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It is in vain that you rise up early and go late to rest, eating the bread of anxious toil;
for he gives sleep to his beloved.
Psalm 127:2
You were at a wedding on Saturday and got back late.
You hung out with some friends later on Sunday and went to bed later than you wanted.
Monday you were putting laundry away til 11pm.
Now it's Tuesday morning and you're wondering, why am I so exhausted? Why am I angry and impulsive? Why can't I get to bed on time?
If this sounds familiar you're certainly not alone.
Sleep is crucial to a steady recovery.
If you want to make recovery difficult, just keep staying up late and trying to carry on with your life. But, if you want to find some normality and maybe some progress in sobriety, maybe give this a read.
The Research
Neuroscientist Matthew Walker, who has spent decades studying sleep at Berkeley and Harvard, has one of the more sobering lines in the whole field: sleep loss doesn't spare a single system in your body. Not your heart, not your immune system, not your memory, not your mood. Adults over 45 who sleep less than six hours a night are twice as likely to have a heart attack or stroke in their lifetime.
Even one night of poor sleep spikes activity in the amygdala, which is your brain's threat-detection center, by close to 60 percent, which is a clinical way of saying: sleep-deprived men are emotionally raw men. All of those emotions addicts like to keep in hiding are now visible and palpable.
Here's the part that matters most for the guys I sit across from in coaching: sleep loss is not neutral in recovery. It's a relapse risk factor in its own right. Clinical studies going back over two decades have linked poor sleep quality directly to relapse in addiction, and some research puts the relapse rate for people in early alcohol recovery at roughly double when sleep is inadequate.
Chronic sleep restriction appears to increase the brain's vulnerability to cravings by disrupting the same dopamine and reward circuitry that substances hijack. Translation: the exhaustion you're enduring like a man, is quietly working against the sobriety you're fighting for. You don't get to skip rest and still expect your nervous system to hold the line.
Sleep as a habit of Surrender
"I'll sleep when I'm dead."
"I need to work."
"Let's watch one more video."
"I'm not a morning person."
"I didn't have any time for myself today."
"I just need to check my phone quick."
I've used all these excuses as reasons to not go to bed. Ultimately, I've always come to regret it. Why am I still exhausted? Maybe, because you stayed up and only got four or five hours of sleep two nights ago.
The enemy wants you to be tired. The more tired you are, the more susceptible to temptation you are. The will is weak, when the mind and body are weary.
As good as the science sounds it isn't going to hit me when I'm wanting to stay up a little longer. "I might be more susceptible to a heart attack if I stay up!" I've never thought that or found that convincing in the moment. What is convincing is the conviction that I am resisting surrender to the will of God.
When we submit to needing sleep, we are submitting to the great and tender gift of God. It's the same reason nobody is resting on Sunday, the Lord's day. We tell ourselves that we need to do something, we need to work, we need to engage life. But, life is a gift from God, not an expiring amusement park ticket. "I need to squeeze as much pleasure out of this as possible and sleep is just wasting time." Choosing to consistently go to bed is the fundamental act of surrender to God concerning the foundation of our being.
The act of going to bed can be the consistent and renewing habit of restoring us to sanity. Recovery is a one day at a time process, and sleep is a healing balm.
St. Joseph the Worker and the Sleeper
We can look to the spouse of the Blessed Virgin Mary as the great model of what work and sleep look like. Joseph did not have a conventional start to his marriage. He began as a refugee in Egypt and then back to Nazareth years later. They traveled a tremendous amount during this time.
Joseph was a "righteous man" or as the Jews might say, "tzadik". This term is widely debatable depending who you ask, but it could be agreed that this person is one who emanates the justice due God in a remarkable, faithful, and obedient way. Noah and Joseph of the Old Testament are the paramount examples of "tzadik". They followed God in extraordinary obedience and piety.
Joseph worked as a "tekton", a master builder. He was not simply a carpenter, he was the total construction man. In some sense, he was both "tzadik" and "tekton". Joseph was a master of prayer and work. Along with the 2/3 of our time spent praying and working, the last 1/3 is sleep. His mastery of sleep is evident in the Gospels. His rest was peaceful enough to hear God speaking in the midst of it. His heart was disposed to the Lord at all moments. Was he without sin? No. But, as far as humans go, the husband of Mary and the adoptive father of Jesus, was certainly exceptional concerning his virtue and receptivity to the graces of God.
How did Joseph sleep? Probably in very rough circumstances. Manger, refugee in Egypt, no modern mattresses and pillows... not super fun. Yet, he chose to sleep. He was most likely very ready to sleep. He prayed and worked hard. He didn't stay up late, because he didn't have time for himself that day. Let's remember that sleep is a gift, one that can be readily used or abused. The habit of going to bed late at midnight, because I like being up late and "having fun"/"relaxing", until I can't relax anymore, because I'm so exhausted needs to die. The discipline of sleeping at a set time, whatever that is, and waking up at a set time that sufficiently gives you rest is a lesson that St. Joseph teaches us. Sleep gives us the capacity to serve God and others with attention and humility.
Start Tonight
Right now, get out a pen and a piece of paper. Look at your week. What is the normal flow of your week? When do you need to wake up to accomplish your needs and goals? Prayer, exercise, work, family time, recreation, etc. Based off when you wake up, when do you need to sleep each night? A healthy amount for an adult male can vary, but 7-9 hours of sleep is ideal. What is that for you? Circle that time in your brain. At 9:30pm I will be in bed. Which means I need to start heading to bed 15 minutes prior. Stick to the time when you sleep and when you wake up.
Healing and Recovery
As we journey towards healing and recovery from sexual addiction, we need to keep focused on consistent and measurable habits. It's not about being perfect or having no fun, or not having a night out with your wife. It's about having a spirit disposed to the will of God. A humble and contrite heart is submissive to the time God has given us. It's not our time. It is a gift and God calls us to use it to rest our weary bodies and hearts.
Sleep is crucial to recovery. Lust is an easy choice when we are exhausted, choosing our own desires each night, and avoiding sleep. Choose surrender. Choose rest.
Footnotes
Matthew Walker, quoted in "Sleep Pt. I: Why We Sleep (and What Happens When We Don't)," Health Rising, accessed July 2026. ↩
Ibid. ↩
Matthew Walker, interview by Terry Gross, "Why Is It Essential to Make Time for Sleep?," Fresh Air, NPR, October 2017. ↩
"The Power of Sleep in Addiction Recovery," Delamere, citing National Institute on Drug Abuse data on relapse risk in alcohol use disorder recovery. ↩
"Sleep Loss and Addiction," Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, ScienceDirect, 2022. ↩
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Want help building a daily plan of surrender, prayer, and accountability? That's exactly what we do at The Narrow Way. Reach out at matt.nrway@gmail.com or book a free consultation at nrway.org
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